all my life

i'll be like you

there was a fear that gripped his heart, as his own stomach felt as though it were caught in his throat. there was a simplicity to his movements though, the flurry of movement was only thought to be noted by himself, as the world was far slower than he. except to the one person that knew him the best. ender did not move like this for just anything, even though he only appeared to be working on something. that something being someone that meant quite a lot to him, even in his youth. one of the few gifts given to him, appreciated at the time, as much as in future years.

the older man grinned as he leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms. he had seen this too many times, and could even recall this all from the way he had been back in his own day. the epitome of calm, cool, and collected. "everything okay here?" a father asked his son, his voice curious and without assumption or judgement. only a bit of amusement he wasn't simply letting be known outside of the way his lips quirked. but this worked in two ways. ender knew full well of how his father had been standing there, even before making his presence known. it was something the man himself had taught him. be aware, especially when you do not appear so. do not allow anyone to get the upper hand, unless it serves your purpose.

"he's glitching." the words were spoken no differently than if he were asking someone to pass the potatoes at dinner time. ender had run a diagnostic, double checked everything, he was sure of it. Behind him, his father's lips pursed in thought, before he pulled himself away from the door to step towards the desk and look the unmoving rat over. "You got him that update I sent you then?" he asked, confirming that was what Ender had been working with. Ender turned in his chair, looking up at his father, nodding. "I'm sure I did everything, but it feels like I missed something, or maybe I did it wrong? Do you think it was too much for him?"

Glancing over the checklist that ender had on the screen, there was only one thought to be had, at least right away. "Did you reboot him?" At the question, Ender was quiet, only to end up dropping his face into his hands. Of course, that was the one thing he thought was so obvious that he didn't need it on the list. Only to end up forgetting about it in his rush. But he was still new to this, so early on. The man smiled and patted his son on the shoulder. "You're going to be late. He'll be here when you get back."


but i still

feel alone

Nerves felt shot, standing there tense, as his hands gripped the stem of the bouquet for dear life. This was the only place he felt like this, with fear and anticipation. These visits only came to reign down a slurry of emotions upon him, but he bit them back. He missed the man that knew him so well, and the woman she used to be when he was alive. What he was about to step into, he never knew, outside of what little information that he was given. There was never any real certainty about how much she recalled, but he couldn't go without seeing her. Not now, not like this. Not a single holiday had he missed, no matter what it did to him. This was his life and he would see it out.

A knock on the open door, he let himself in, clearing his throat. Dressed the same way she had last seen him, almost as if some ritual in hopes that she would remember him and not forget. The open flannel shirt with a simple white shirt beneath it. A pair of jeans and boots. A forced smile plaguing his lips, as blue eyes danced about the room until they fell upon his mother. Her darker gaze turned towards him with uncertainty as she began to sit up. "Merry Christmas," he spoke the words almost sheepishly.

There was no certainty on her face that she understood what he was speaking of. But once she saw the pink roses, her face did light up, for they had always been her favorite. "Jeresai?" she called for her deceased husband as if he had been standing before her, her eyes never leaving the bouquet as she held her hands out to take the flowers. "Where's Ender?"

His heart sank that much deeper, as he closed the distance between them and passed her the bouquet. "It's me, mom." She paid him no mind, as she pulled the roses close to her, inhaling slowly, taking in the sweet scent as much as she could. Nodding slowly, "Yes, that's right." A pause before she lifted a hand to his cheek, smiling all the same. "Dinner's on it's way. Your sister and brother are out back digging holes in the yard again. Could you bring them inside? You know how I don't trust Blaze not to try and start a fire back there." Ender smiled, partially forced, but also something to it bringing about a memory he felt he was reliving with her. Looking down, he nodded, "Yeah, mom. Don't you worry about them. It'll be okay." Even though he was sure it wasn't. Even though he wasn't sure she would remember him in the next ten minutes.


cadet defensive lessons:

principles: Objective, Offensive, Mass, Economy of Force, Maneuver, Unity of Command, Security, Surprise, Simplicity.
strategies: Boxing maneuver, Choke point, Defence in depth, Elastic Defense, Fortification, Fabian strategy, Military district, Scorched earth, Turtling, Withdrawal, High ground
basic tasks: area defense, mobile defense, and retrograde


don't make no mistakes

cause the fun never ends

Home. It was supposed to be a place where your heart was. A place that left you feeling bound like no other. Coming back, he couldn't say he felt that way here. But at the same time, he did. Bound to Thedes-Korso in a way that he wasn't sure that he could explain without sounding like he was after a raise in pay. Opening the door to his cushy residence, he could only look at where he came from and how he had made it here. Not only tonight, but every time he opened the door. Maybe that was why he liked to leave and sit in a bar, dressed down playing pool or throwing darts where no one knew his name. But would he want to really admit that to himself or anyone else? That was nothing less than doubtful.

The holidays had brought him a total of three gifts, where he expected none. Nothing had been given outside of his mother, and an offering to pay for the surgery of his sister's sick cat. A journey through the depths of fragile bridges, baited traps, and pitfalls only to come back empty handed. Feelings about this gripped him, as he moved for the refrigerator and pulled a beer away from it. A long swig washing away any cluttered thoughts, only for the neck of that very same bottle to dangle from his fingertips.

Night turned into day and day turned into night before he realized what had happened. How everything had spun into a different territory through the process of drinking. A longing to feel close to someone or something, somehow that wasn't framed in metal, with guts of wire. For a flash of a moment, he could have sworn it was there. Gone as quick as it came, turning into some tug of war he didn't expect anymore than the communication itself.

There was no hesitation to see, to speak, to ask. The drinking did not create that in him, but a natural quirk in his personality. Along with the hope that maybe, somehow, someone would remember him for more than his job, duties, or at least for more than ten minutes at a time.


"The ISTJ Scorpio is a very private individual with a penetrating gaze. They possess emotional intensity, sensitivity and strength that they may often conceal behind a stoic front. The ISTJ Scorpio is also very perceptive and very little will escape their awareness. They spot details that others tend to miss and can seem like Sherlock Holmes in what they are able to deduce. Furthermore, the ISTJ Scorpio is someone who possess a strong power of will and concentration. They are good at extracting the salient details and getting to the crux of a matter. They seem to know exactly what they’re looking for and can exhibit a single-minded obsessiveness about finding answers. The Scorpio ISTJ is also highly resilient and capable of enduring great emotional stress without falling apart. They are able to heal their own wounds through private introspection and self-reflection. They conceal a lot of what they feel and maintain a lot of control over what they allow other people to know about them."